I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF TOO

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE
My nephew is here to stay with us awhile. He too has an addiction to drugs and has been fighting to stay clean for years now. You have to see this man. He is so handsome, so smart, and so full of love for other people from all walks of life.
I wish he would just love himself. I sit and listen to his stories of addiction and the street life he has lived and I am in shock of what kind of life he lives in addiction. I know he doesn't want that kind of life but when he talks to me I realized he doesn't really know any other kind.
What can I do to help him finally quit is a tough one. I don't have that answer for him right now. He is a late twenties young man and sometimes he comes across as alot younger as did I.
I am going to start off by telling you that I think you are really quite an amazing man and I mean that. I think if you put your mind to it there isn't anything that you can't accomplish.
I truly love you with all my heart my nephew. I want you to fight for your life. For your mom and dad and the ones that are closest to your heart.
I don't know what more I can do to help you other than to believe in you and be your friend. I want to tell you this in writing though. I will always be here for you son, I promise you that.
Now you have to promise me something.
I want you to fight.....fight like the street life you learned to survive on......fight......for your children so that they may get to know their dad.....fight.....for the right to live a happy life without the chaos of addiction....YOU diserve it...I LOVE YOU.

A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOURSELF

How my addiction affected me during Christmas is something that I am just realizing now. I remember feeling so guilty that I never had any money for presents. I never really wanted to go for Christmas dinner or present opening. I always felt that I didn't do enough for the people I love. I would spend all my money on crack knowing that I really should be spending it on other things but the addiction was too strong. I worry now about the kids that are going without because their parents are too addicted to do what is right but just can't fight the addiction that is ruining their lives and the people they love.
You need to get help for yourselves. I was in rehab twice for two years on my birthday. Why don't you give the the gift of a life time...Go get help for yourself so you can give to them what they really want...you back again.
I am seeing more and more people that need to get help but just can't seem to do it for themselves. We get so wrapped up in our own misery that we don't look outside and see what we're doing to the ones that really matter to us and the ones we love.
This is the time to do it. Get off the drugs and get your life together again.
I promise that you won't miss the drugs. It is time to celebrate your life the way you were meant to live it...Clean.
Life is what you make of it. The choas that drug addiction bring to you only brings pain.
You can make a new life with sobriety, not only for you but for the ones you care about.
Give yourself a gift this christmas.
Life as you want to live it!!! Drug free today and for the rest of your life.
A gift that will open up to the start of a whole new life. The life that you were meant to live.

A MINUTE IN THE PAST

I have been quite sad these last couple of months. It is an underlying sadness that often brings me to tears and I couldn't quite put a finger on what was wrong with me. I have to figure these things out for myself and not let them linger inside. I think I know what is wrong now. It is my children. Ever since my addiction started I had been vacant from their lives. I never called for months at a time. This went on for years and I haven't seen them for about 10 yrs now. My daughters are not kids anymore. They are young adults and as much as I try they will not respond to anything I do to have a relationship with them. The last couple of months I did alot of thinking and I wrote to them and told them I no longer want a relationship and that I don't want them to ever get in contact with me and the same for me. I know for myself that It is the best thing for me to keep safe. I was going crazy, hurting inside so bad it was killing me.
My daughters don't really know me. I wasn't an ideal father to them and I understand why they choose not to respond but it still hurts. I made a mistake, a huge mistake. I chose drugs over my kids and I am so sorry I never got to watch you grow up and for you to have a dad in your lives.
I was meant to be a great father. I have no excuses for my failure of one of the most important rolls in a mans life. I will just try and be a responsible, reliable , happy person now.
That is my story, it doesn't have to be yours. Fight for your life away from drugs. Fight for the ones you love and who need you back. Be a winner and start today. I might not have a chance to take back what I did to my daughters but I will at least show them that I am a good human being that is clean from drugs and responsible for my life now.
You can do the same if you want it bad enough. Look for help and take it. I don't really believe in the...you have to hit bottom theory... I hit a bottom a thousand times. I was an addict and I was addicted to crack. I just needed to get away from it. I can pick up anytime I want. I don't want!!!I play it through and my first thought is that my heart might not let me one more time. I know this to be a fact for a few others I knew. On the other hand who wants that life again. Broke, hungry, skinny, sick, ugly, stealing, lying , missing work, hurting yourself , dangerous, and the biggest one of all....Hurting the people you love....I'm sorry kids, I know it doesn't make any sense but I didn't mean too do this to you. I would give my life if only to share a minute in the past with you again as children.

A THANKSGIVING GIFT

When are you going to realize that all you're doing when using is masking the pain you feel inside. When I was in rehab they had a bunch of different exercises to do. My group of men had about 12 people. Each time they got us easing into being able to talk about our feelings as a group and it got easier each time. My or our councellor was a man also.
Do you know what? each and every one of us have been hardened by the life we were living but in that group you would have never known it. I told my story, they told theirs and we became a family. I loved those guys, I really did. I have not seen any of them for a long time now because we moved on but their always on my mind. The point is, REHAB IS NOT SCARY....
Go and find yourself again...please....
I asked my girlfriends family over for Thanksgiving dinner, our first, and its escalated to my family now and we're at 16 people and the funny thing is, i'm the cook!!!!!
I am so nervous but what a difference to where I was 3 yrs ago.
You can have this too. Sixty days is all you need to start a new life.
Sixty days of peace and quiet, no chaos.
What else do you need for me to say to convince you that you should go to a centre.
Ok as my drug councellor said to me,,,if you don't need to go then I will make an appoint. for you in two weeks and if you haven't used then you don't need to go. I'll give you the same test...for me I was already looking for the nearest payphone so I could make an order as soon as I left.
He put me in for a centre after our next meeting!!!
Give yourself and your family a reason to be thankful this year and take that step.
Ask me if you need some help and I promise I will do anything I can to help. I know if you're on the street that you probably won't be reading this but to the people that are, you must have people that you love that need help so ask....lets all join together and help the people that just need some help to get started... I believe in you, believe in them too.

A WISH OF RECOVERY

Hi there. Its been awhile hasn't it. I hope you have had enough of the addiction life and are thinking of doing something about it today.
Even today when I think about the turmoil and chaos of that life I get anxiety attacks. What a life we choose when in addiction. I can promise you that it is nothing like that in recovery. I use to spend so much time just trying to get high and when I was high I was a complete basket case. You know what I mean don't you. Do you know what? I know you're hurting inside, I know there is a pain for some reason or another that you are trying to ease. I know that you don't want to use drugs but they seem to take that pain away...or do they?
When you come down off of using for a time and you feel so emotional and sad of where you are in life, when you don't have a cent on you, you're hungry and tired and you feel so alone. Is that easing the pain? I would feel like that after every drug use. I was always so down even when I was using but I couldn't stop.
Do you feel like that? If you do you should find an addiction place and just make an appointment. It will cost you no more than a quarter and you might just save your life.
Go and tell someone that you want to go to rehab because you know as well as I do you can't do it alone. The government sponsors people and you could get the help you need.
I did and I want the same for you. Give your life over to these people for a short time and learn to live again without drugs or other mind altering crap. Won't you just do this one thing for yourself...please just give it a try. My life has changed so much since I did and I'm happy now.
If I had one wish to make I would wish it for all of you to find that inner strength and get help so that you can be the person that you want to be again, to find yourself and to be with your family and to live a normal life again.
Are there such things as wishes? There just might be if you make my wish come true!!!
I believe in you...

DRUGS AND CHANGE..THE ONLY CHANGE IS DEATH

The reality of relapse is a tough one to understand. I have to be careful of just what I do with my thoughts that enter my head from day to day. I think about the crack that I use to smoke and fantisize about how nice it would be to just have one toke or two or maybe three,,,ya three,,,,no maybe four. Now that I have let myself down and I just lost everything that I have I might as well keep on going right?
As I said in my profile that I am the youngest of nine children I have over twenty nieces and nephews. One of my nieces as I mentioned is in her 1 yr of sobriety. I also have a nephew that is struggling with addiction. He is such a great kid...I mean man. I recently had to pick him up at a bus stop about 30 miles away because he just got kicked out of a recovery house for picking up again. I pulled up to him and realized he was sleeping at a bus stop, his head lifting and dropping from having no sleep for a few days.as I felt pain in my heart for this man that I saw grow up from a baby to where he is in his life now.
I had a chance to talk and asked him how good his relapse was and how it was different this time. He looked at me and said it is the same if not worse than it always was and that he doesn't have too many more left.
I love my nephew and my niece and I told them it doesn't change. The drugs will leave you with absolutley nothing. No money, no job, hungry, and eventually you will die alone, believe me. I told him the next time I see him is to look at him in his open coffin. To tell everybody at his funeral what a great kid he was but that he just couldn't kick his addiction.
It doesn't change, drugs will take everything you have and then it will take your life.
FIGHT, FIGHT WITH EVERYTHING COMMON SENSE YOU HAVE AGAINST THIS DRUG THAT IS TAKING YOUR LIFE AWAY, FROM YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
You can take your life back again if you really want too..please don't give up.
Nothing changes in the life of an addict but I promise you that it will with getting clean and staying clean. It will get better for you I promise....no more chaos....peace and only a future to look forward too.
Please won't you believe me as I believe in you and get your life back again, it was always yours you just forgot how to take care of it....I BELIEVE IN YOU, I REALLY DO.

ARE WE SO DIFFERENT???

At a meeting the other night I sat and listened to people like me that are struggling with problems that everyday life brings us. I wondered, other than introducing myself, Hi my names Ron and I'm an addict is my life that different from anyone else. The answer to me is the way we deal with the stress. Instead of just looking for a solution to the problem or just thinking it isn't all that bad, it gets compounded ten times. I listened to a man that was very angry that a fellow friend or co-worker stated that he started smoking again so he should start smoking crack anytime now. He was very upset at this statement. He really wanted to tell that person off or worse!! I have been dealing with those kind of comments and stereo typical statements and looks from some of my co-workers for 3 yrs now. I have come to the conclusion that I feel a bit sorry for them, they try to make my life the topic of the day to deflect what might be happening in theirs or how unhappy they are. God forbid that someone might say something to them that might be close to the inferiority issues that they have........or not.
For you people that want to pin point other peoples misfortunes and hardships in life, take a step back and think about feelings before you speak,,,It hurts and is very damaging to someone who might be trying to do the best they can for just that one day, may it be a cigerette or not.
I honestly sat back and just wondered if you would say those things if you were to go downtown to one of the worst areas of addiction and see the pain in the people's faces that live that way each and every day.
What if you see someone down there that is close to you, someone you loved that was fighting with addiction. Would it be wrong of me to say that they belong there? There's no hope for them!
I myself believe they don't want to be there and hope they fight their way out.
Maybe I'll say something simple to them like a hello or goodmorning or just a smile, you never know what might start someone back in either direction???
Choose your words carefully before you speak. You might not have realized the harmful impact they had on someone.
One day a person, the next day a drug addict. I prefer, a person with a drug problem.

ONE YEAR CAKE..AND A NEW DAY BEGINS TOMORROW

I had the pleasure of attending my nieces one year cake today. I have to admit that I use to worry sometimes just what kind of support she has and what kind of dedication she has to the program. I am no longer worried...
You are so beautiful and full of life now. I look at you with respect and admiration of your accomplishments and where you are in your life compared to a year ago.
I use to worry and I will continue to worry but it will be for each day for your continued sobriety.
One year is an incredible feat, yes it is but I would like to congratulate you for each one of your 365 days of staying clean and sober. Each day was a test and you have passed them to have the life you have now. It is 11:16pm and in 44 minutes the test starts again for another 24 hours, for another 365 days of that and for the rest of your life.
You have chosen the road that has brought us together again. It is a road that took me awhile to find too and now we can walk together my special Niece. I am so proud of you and I love you with all my heart.
You have made your Mom and Dad, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, Cousins and friends believe in you again.
Oh and of course last but certainly not least....Your beautiful Son who might not be able to appreciate what accomplishments you have overcome but he is so much happier for them.
LETS NEVER FORGET THE PAIN AND TURMOIL THAT ADDICTION BROUGHT TO OUR LIVES AND THE PEOPLE WE HURT, THEN SURELY WE WILL SUCCEED...I BELEIVE DO YOU?

A LIE TO COVER THE LAST LIE AND SO ON

I feel the need to write things down but I can't seem to find the words to say what it is I want to say.
I knew that I had a problem with drugs, do you? I knew I needed help, do you? I knew that I was sick and that I was hurting the people around me, and so do you!!!!
I talked to a person that I know really well who for some reason he thinks he can pull the wool over my eyes. He thinks that I will not say anything to him or call him on his bullsh--........Wrong........ I care about you so therefore I can't just pretend that what you say must be the truth because everything I see and hear tells me different. You're forgetting that I have used your lies, used the same excuses, and the outcome is the same as my life was and for almost every other addict.
Here are a few examples. You had a good job, but you quit. So did I, luckily I got it back again with some quick action once I came down off the crack.
You're not active sports anymore and don't associate with any of your friends that you couldn't be away from years ago, the healthy friends that is!
I got away from all my healthy friends too. MY best friends are active addicts.
Me first this time. I have lost my children and I can no longer get those years back again. They are older now and they don't look at me like I'm SuperMan anymore, if anything, LoserMan.
Now listen and listen good. YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOUR CHILD.
You can go on pretending that you are fooling the people around you, that your life is Ok. It isn't. I know you're sick. You know you're sick. Get help and change the road that you're going down.
You wouldn't bring your child down the road you're travelling would you? So get on the road that you feel would be safe for them too. It is the same road our parents brought us on.
Quiting isn't easy, but its a hell of a lot easier than trying to think of a lie to cover the last lie to cover the last lie, and so on.
Want to start now? Play it through, your day that is. Write it down, all the chaos, all the paranoia, all the sadness and thoughts of hopelessness. The only one that believes your lies is you because that is what you're use to. If you're reading this then hopefully its a start to a clean life.
Its not that far away it only seems distant. Reach out and get help, you deserve it. Life is good being clean.
Believe me as I want to believe in you....Again!!

DREAMS OF A LIFETIME

You know. I am really happy today that I can sit here and talk with you. It has been a road that I would have never thought that I would have travelled.
I use to dream of being an Olympic Boxer, I was a young boy in my basement dreaming of my fights and wins. I would mimmick Mohamid Ali's moves almost to the tee.
I wanted to be a cop as I grew older, dreaming of helping people and especially kids.
I was a dreamer, and thats all I was. I didn't come close to my dreams, actually I went the opposite direction. Disappointed? Yes. Would I change it? No.
I am this person today because of the life I lived. I love, I care, I still dream of what could have been but I love my life now and the people in it.
Drugs are so bad, they take you away from all the things that you dreamed of becoming. They drag you down a road of destruction and sadness. There is nothing at the end of that road but failure and most likely death.
I am 3 years clean today. Do I have dreams that I didn't have 3 yrs ago? Yes.
They might have changed a whole lot, but they are just as important.
I am clean today and that is why I can look forward to making any dreams I have come true.
I dream of helping you so you can make your dreams come true.
These words I speak come from my heart. I have tears in my eyes right now because I feel the pain that you feel, the feeling of hopelessness.
There is hope. You can beat the addiction that is ruining your life.
Quit the drugs and make your dreams come true, Won't you, so I can read your words of recovery.

FOR EVERY LURING THOUGHT I HAVE A COUNTER THOUGHT

I am days away from having a few years clean. I was talking to another guy today who stopped by where I was working, he asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint with him and I said no. We started to talk about the use of drugs and how they affect us. I was describing how I use to make a pipe out of a two liter coke bottle and smoke crack out of it. I was telling him how the bottle would fill up with smoke and I would get ready for a big toke. I could feel myself getting excited about the thought of that toke as I was mimicking the inhale and exhale. Even now after this long the thought of smoking crack still can romanticise me into thinking how great it was. How I would just love that toke.
If I was to have that fantastic toke ( ya right ) I would have had to have spent at least 20 dollars. Within 5 minutes I would be completely messed up. I would be paranoid, guilt ridden, depressed, and within 24 hours broke or dead. I know of a couple of people that after some time of quiting smoked just a little bit and had a heart attack and died.
You are not going to trick me. I am smarted than you give me credit for, but please feel free to keep reminding me how wonderful you are because for every nice thought that you try to lure me back with, I have 10 thoughts of horror to counter you with and to remind me that you are a life wrecker, a life taker, and you have no conscience. I beat you today, better luck tomorrow,
but I wouldn't bet on it!!!!!

PLAN BEFORE YOU START

I know its hard to believe that you can get off of drugs. To live a normal life again. I forgot what a normal life was, I thought that the chaos was all part of living.
Just trust me won't you please. I tell you it can be done. You can beat this addiction and the control it has over your life, you just have to really want it.
Listen. You are in for the fight of your life or the fight for your life. You have to completely surrender yourself to the fact that you are going to quit. I think the best odds are in a facility where there are counsellors there to help you. You have to go there willingly and if you do your chances are really good.
My life is getting better with each month that passes. The special people that helped me at the beginning are there for me still but the trust that I have gained back makes us closer today. I have new friends that I have told of my battle with addiction and they seem to accept me and encourage me too. I am not embarrassed to be an addict, It may sound crazy but I would live it over again only to gain the wisdom that I learned for living such a destructive life style. I am a better man for it and I appreciate my life so much more now.
I hope you start soon for the fight of your life, the fight for your life. I know you'll win. I'm putting all my money on you.
Now give it your all and never give up on yourself. Your a winner, I believe in you, believe in yourself too.

MY WORDS, YOUR WORDS, THEY ALL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

Thankyou for your support and kind words. I am feeling a bit better today. When I woke up I thought about what I had said I was going to do.
You have no Idea what your comment meant to me. I sat here in disbelief that someone cared about how I was feeling, someone I didn't know was willing to say those kind words to help me snap out of the depression I was in. And yes I want to believe in myself.
I got up today and started to clean my place, I did the laundry, vaccumed, did the dishes and just kept busy. I got to go out and get a few other things done with regards to child support.
I want to tell you something that I think is important to the addictive part of me, I never once thought of getting crack and numbing myself, not once. I have money on me, enough to live from paycheck to paycheck but if I was to use....goodbye money..and my life.
I felt happy that someone read my blog. It was not quite an hour and you wrote to me...Thankyou, your words brought tears to my eyes. You are a good person too.
Ok enough about me and my sad life. How are you? Is this the day to get on the road to recovery? Just this moment I thought that I better get going to a meeting, these older members can really give you some helpful advise and the people that speak really have some good stories. I use to get bored at meeting. I really wasn't serious until the second time in I went to rehab where meetings are mandatory and I started to listen. There are members that are 35 years clean and sober. I think they might have some good advise, what do you think? One thing said that really hit home from a long term member was, He was no closer to relapsing than we were and that he had to remind himself everyday that his life is better living clean.
My life is better too. Thankyou for listening. I can't express the happiness I feel that someone really cares, cares enough to respond to my writing. Thankyou.

REAL LIFE AND ME

I am trying to get out of a depression that seems to take over me now and then. It is such a exhausting feeling that sometimes all I want to do is sleep. I don't get tired physically but mentally I just drain myself with all the worrying I do. I get really down on myself about the kind of work I do and that I don't have a trade, labouring isn't good enough for me now. I worry about money and how at my age I have nothing to show for it. I live from paycheck to paycheck and I hate it.
I can't quite put my finger on it but I am my worst enemy when it comes to putting myself down.
God I'm so tired right now, so tired of thinking and worrying. I took this week off of work only to sit at home and do nothing and all I want to do is sleep. What a great way of using my holidays.
I am going to start tomorrow and get up early. I am going to tell myself that I am a good person and I contribute to this world in some way. I am going to snap out of this and start to function properly again. I want to feel better again.
I can do it, wish me luck

ITS NOT A SCARY PLACE AT ALL

When I wasn't using drugs and living a somewhat normal life I worked in the shipyards. I had a friend that had to go to rehab. After hearing where he was going all I could Imagine was a place with all these people I use to see on the streets. I couldn't get past that portrail of what I thought a drug addict should look like.
When I first went to a re-hab centre and walked through those doors I was so scared of not knowing what I was in for.
I was met at the doors by a counsellor who introduced me to a woman who was to show me around the place. I thought she was another counsellor but later discovered she was a past client. We walked to the room I was to stay in and I had show her everything I had brought in with me to show I hadn't brought in any drugs. A little later she brought me to the cafeteria where most of the other clients ( addicts, alcholics, ) were mainly hanging out. I couldn't believe the people I was to meet in there.
Let me tell you something; If I was anywhere else but in a drug facility I wouldn't have guessed these people were drug addicts. I would think that I was in a class room with new people that I would like to get to know. These were people like you, people that you might have grown up with. They are people of all backgrounds, some with good careers.
I got to know these people so well and I loved them. I loved them for their strenghths and their weaknesses. I loved them for feeling safe enough to tell me their inner most secrets and to listen to mine. We came together as a family and to this day I am grateful to them for being part of my recovery. All the counsellors, the cooks, the janitors I want to thank from the bottom of my heart for listening to me when I needed someone to listen.
What I am trying to tell you is you need not worry. I have not talked to one person who had a bad thing to say about a drug rehab centre. It is not as scary as you may think. It is a sanctuary.
It is a place of peace where you can finally let your mind rest again without the chaos of drugs and addiction. It is a place of kindness and love that I want you to experience for yourself.
You know I wouldn't lie to you don't you. Just go and discover yourself and spead the word to others as I do. I try to do what I can by myself but as a group we have so much more wisdom, so much more love to share. Please won't you help yourself so you can help others. They need you.

TOMORROW, THE START OF A WONDERFUL LIFE

How can I convince you to stop using drugs? When is enough going to be enough. I drove by a really active drug area in my city today and saw so many people out in the cold. We have had snow for a couple of weeks now and the temperature has been really cold at night. I know you don't want that for yourself, to be sleeping in some hallway or bin. When is it going to be enough for you to get on board and get well again. You know this isn't really what you want to do is it?
I can tell you that things can change. My friend who I talk about in past blogs is now 9 months clean. God you wouldn't believe the difference in this woman. She is so beautiful and full of sunshine it just radiates off of her. She is proud of herself and the funny thing is, she has always shined she just forgot about the warmth that she feels inside. How to love herself as we do. You know that you are just like me and my friend and that you can do it too. We're no one special we just started and continue to start it every time we wake up if you know what I mean?
My near three years clean and her nine months is no more important than your one day clean. You are so special and each and every day clean will remind you of just how important you are to yourself and the people who love you.
Start with the first day with me tomorrow, I promise you won't regret it.

I'M GOING TO KEEP FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE.

I often find myself wondering where I would be right now if I hadn't quit the drugs. I run into a couple of other guys that went through the same thing as me with our employer but they never made it through the drug testing for the two years that they signed a contract for. One person I saw on the street when I was working and offered to buy him a coffee, he is homeless now with a young daughter that probably wants her dad home. He is not doing that great with the drugs and I can't quite read just where he is coming from when he talks to me but at least he's willing to talk.
The other guy is working but he says he uses occasionally, mostly at night when he is by himself. You see he does a night watchmen job and he says he just buys a little one, meaning a 20 dollar rock.
They have both been through rehab, twice each. They know what they are suppose to do. They have learned the tools that will help them try to quit but they can't quite convince themselves that they are ready.
They were ready when they first picked up again and their ready now.
I am writing this with no advise to them but this is for myself. I need to remind myself that the life that I will go back to if I use will be the same as the one they are living. I haven't had contact with my daughters now going on 9 yrs but when they decide to forgive me I will be clean, have a roof over my head and will hold a job, the same job that has been paying their child support for many years now. I am going to stay healthy and happy and one day they will see this in their dad. I would not be able to show them this man if I was to use again. I need to stay clean.
I am so afraid that one day I am going to allow myself to just pick up once and think that it will be alright, just this once OK and I will never do it again.
I feel bad for my two friends and in an ironic way I am grateful too. I see through them that life always stays the same when we use there is no growth in life. I hope that they can get themselves on the right track so that they can be happy once again and hold their heads high.
The life I have now is so precious to me and everyone in it, you know who you are and I will fight to keep it each and every day. I hope they find their way back soon.

TIME TO TAKE THE STEPS THAT WILL BRING YOU HOME AGAIN

I wanted to quit doing crack so bad but only when it seemed I hit bottom again. I use to hit bottom alot. It was when I ran out of money or I was so tired from using for a day or longer with no sleep or food. I was always willing to quit when I was down and out but as soon as I had some sleep or I talked my way out of the position I had got myself into off I would go again. God I hated that stuff and what it did to me. Oh god I miss that stuff and what it did to me. You see one of these statements is true but only because I know to play my drug use through.
Do you know that sometimes I get exhausted just thinking about when I use to use. I can remember one thing for instance was the scraping of a pipe. You have no idea how unbelievably crazy that was for me, pulling on the wire that would go into the bowl of the pipe. We called it Brillo and it would cut into my fingers and they would start to bleed but I wouldn't stop, not for a few deep cuts even though my blood was all over everything.
Have I ever told you about the shadows I use to see on the walls. I would think that someone was outside of my window and I wouldn't move, I was so paranoid of everything.
Let me tell you something I don't miss that drug and what it did to me. When its time to sleep I sleep. If I think someone is in my yard they better start running because I am going to introduce them to my newest member to my family and that would be my black Labrador, all 90 lbs of her and pearly white teeth too.
You see there is a normal life for you to live again. You just have to want it bad enough to go for it. Play your drug use through each and every time you feel weak, don't forget that your family loves you and are behind you everyday and seeing the old you coming back but better now.
I am behind you. Take a deep breath right now and then say to yourself this is the day that I am going to quit and take control of my life back again, say it, please won't you just give it a try.
A time for a new start is now. This is the road that your suppose to be on, if you look closely it will look familiar again because its the road that will lead you to your old self again....Welcome back, we've missed you.