When I went to a drug facility the first time I thought I was serious about quitting until of course I got out, It didn't take long for me to start to preplan my relapse. First I started to romance my thoughts with how I missed the feeling of being high, next I would think how I would be able to try it just once for old time sake and then that would be it, oh how those thoughts romanced me.
I made a phone call from work one day and the dealer was all to happy to bring me something, he asked me where I had been and was in dis-belief that I was in a centre, Ya sure.
This loser didn't care about me at all and the only thing that he cared about was the money in my pocket,(he would take the last bit of change that was for your kids to eat with) I continued to buy crack every day from that time on but of course I was in control.
I actually thought that I was in control of my drug use but it was the opposite, it was in control of me, the romance won over.
The next time was going to be different and it was, I want to use again, my romantic thinking is telling me this exact second but I know I can't. I am at this moment countering the thoughts that will stop me from reaching for the phone and getting crack delivered, right now, really.
I learned allot from my past and I want to live my life or at least tonight drug free.
I will not make that phone call, I don't want to be paranoid all night, I want to sleep tonight because I have to work tomorrow, I need my money to live on for the next two weeks, I want to live,
This time is going to be different and it can be for you, play it through.
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