LIVING WITH THE TRUTH

I was in full blown addiction when I was told by my sister that she had cancer, I can still remember her saying to me that, I don't want to die Ron and me being in the state I was just sort of shrugged it off. I remember asking God to let my sister live if I would give up drugs, but I never did and my sister died. Forgive me my sister.
The power of the drugs is a test as is life its self.
My other two sisters looked after her in the last part of her life and gave to her the love that only siblings can give. I myself in the last part of her life only visited her maybe twice because I was too busy getting high. Even when she was in the hospital I would leave and go and meet the dealer and get high. This is the pain I live with every day of my life right now. She needed me and I was not to be found.
I am a man of deep emotions and to do this kind of thing to my sister is unforgivable and I will never be able to tell her I'm sorry.
I was looking through a box of old stuff the other day and I came across a birthday card that she had given me, I think that is when I realized that she is here with me and that she does forgive me and that she would want me to write this right now.
I am staying clean because the power of family out weighs the power of drugs. I can deal with what I did to my sister, my children, my niece, and yes my girlfriend but only if I show that they mean enough to me and to beat this drug problem.
We have family that love us without question if we show them the person that they once knew or why not someone better.
Show them what they mean to you and give up the drugs. They put so much of their life into you and now it is time for you to give back and show them what they mean to you.
There is always that guilt and pain I live with every day but to think about how I would be feeling if I was doing drugs would only magnify those feelings two fold.
I want you to weigh the differences to see if it worth it to continue on with this life of drug use and chaos. It will be a fight to get off them but you'll see it is well worth it.