For those of you that are trying to get off drugs and are having such a hard time don't give up.
Keep telling yourself this time I'm going to do it. Learn from your past mistakes and don't forget the ones that keep repeating themselves every time.
We tend to forget the parts where we're broke , hungry , embarrassed , and partly suicidal , only out of dis pare that we think that we just can't do it. Yes You Can, just play all the bullshit through.
Me for example, hm mm let me think, I would look around the house through all the girlfriends purses looking for spare change. I would be on the phone to everyone I could think of after being turned down by my family and close friends. Sometimes I would sound like a whining fool asking that piece of sh-- dealer for a front.
One time I drove all over the city looking for someone to cash a GST check for me, money mart wouldn't because I already screwed them around.
This is only a portion of what goes on that I can think of off my head but do you get what I'm trying to get through to you.
When its about drugs its nothing but chaos. Thinking the whole day and night about drugs.
Now its time to think it through.
Think about you and what you can do when you put your mind to it and stick to it.
You have to do it hour by hour but stick to it.
You can do it I know you can. You have proven your a survivor of a lot worse and if you succeed, which I know you can then the rewards will be given to you in a way that you've never imagined.
YOU CAN DO IT, say it to yourself and feel that sense of pride and life. You will get your life back again.
Practise makes perfect, so don't get down get going and win your life back.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
IT IS WITH GREAT SADNESS
I was lucky enough that I didn't kill myself doing drugs. I was down town trying to score one time and this guy was going to stab me for not picking him to buy off of.
The amount of crap that went into my system, my mouth bleeding profusely, no sleep, no water, sucking back the toxins from the plastic pipe. I can remember my heart beating so fast I could feel it pumping away when I was trying to pretend I could sleep, of course my girlfriend was lying next to me. What a joke I was.
I am lucky to be alive right now and you are too.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to read your own obituary?, I have.
I know that they would sugar coat it and make people wonder what the cause of me dying was but I know that rumour spreads quickly so people would find out anyways.
Could you Imagine my daughters hearing that their dad died from a crack overdose, Or my parents or siblings having to cover it up.
I have truthfully buried 3 people this year, people who were once popular but for some reason chose the wrong road and eventually their bodies just couldn't take the abuse anymore.
Let me tell you a little something about these people. They all had there own special qualities that I remember. The girl was so beautiful, inside and out. She loved to joke around a lot, she loved her three children very much. The guys were both leaders who everyone I knew respected them. They were great athletes and treated everyone good.
Now what do you think people remember about them after they hear about their overdoses, do you think they thought of the people they use to remember or the ones they had been hearing things about.
I choose to live. I choose to fight. I choose to become the person I know I can be.
Do you think about death? how many people would actually care if we died. I would like to think alot of people would care but I choose to die from natural causes not from drugs.
I am not alive today from some miracle. I am alive from just being truthful about who I am and what I am.
I choose life, not the life of a drug addict.
We write the story of our life from birth to adulthood, take a chance and rewrite the parts that you don't like. It can be a wonderful life if you choose to live it clean.
The amount of crap that went into my system, my mouth bleeding profusely, no sleep, no water, sucking back the toxins from the plastic pipe. I can remember my heart beating so fast I could feel it pumping away when I was trying to pretend I could sleep, of course my girlfriend was lying next to me. What a joke I was.
I am lucky to be alive right now and you are too.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to read your own obituary?, I have.
I know that they would sugar coat it and make people wonder what the cause of me dying was but I know that rumour spreads quickly so people would find out anyways.
Could you Imagine my daughters hearing that their dad died from a crack overdose, Or my parents or siblings having to cover it up.
I have truthfully buried 3 people this year, people who were once popular but for some reason chose the wrong road and eventually their bodies just couldn't take the abuse anymore.
Let me tell you a little something about these people. They all had there own special qualities that I remember. The girl was so beautiful, inside and out. She loved to joke around a lot, she loved her three children very much. The guys were both leaders who everyone I knew respected them. They were great athletes and treated everyone good.
Now what do you think people remember about them after they hear about their overdoses, do you think they thought of the people they use to remember or the ones they had been hearing things about.
I choose to live. I choose to fight. I choose to become the person I know I can be.
Do you think about death? how many people would actually care if we died. I would like to think alot of people would care but I choose to die from natural causes not from drugs.
I am not alive today from some miracle. I am alive from just being truthful about who I am and what I am.
I choose life, not the life of a drug addict.
We write the story of our life from birth to adulthood, take a chance and rewrite the parts that you don't like. It can be a wonderful life if you choose to live it clean.
THE REWARD IS THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU
I went to my parents today to grab some garbage that my father forgot to put out for the garbage day. When I got there they were just getting up and we discussed the water leak that he has under his house. I asked some friends of mine that were plumbers to look at it and give an appraisal. What a deal it was too.
The day before I helped my mother re schedule an appointment for the doctors and also took some branches away for them.
Today I was talking to them about pensions and what kind I will have when I will be 65.
I brought my father out a short while ago and bought him some running shoes, just because I could.
I bring them to the casino, bring them my home afterwards and order Chinese food and then take them home.
My father today got up out of his chair and walked up to me, he put his arms around me and told me he was so proud of me and that he knew I could do it.
My father does not do that out of the blue very often. He loves me and he missed me.
I go and take care of them now, that's the difference.
I want you to think of what you do for your loved ones while in active use.
I would sponge money like there was no tomorrow. I never went by for anything else but to get something. I would not have a gift for any occasion but I would tell them my woes, who cares how they are. It was all about me.
I am the son of two wonderful parents and today I was given the respect of feeling like my parents were really genuinely glad to see me.
I am slowly becoming the man that I want to be. My strength is the love that I have behind me.
The day before I helped my mother re schedule an appointment for the doctors and also took some branches away for them.
Today I was talking to them about pensions and what kind I will have when I will be 65.
I brought my father out a short while ago and bought him some running shoes, just because I could.
I bring them to the casino, bring them my home afterwards and order Chinese food and then take them home.
My father today got up out of his chair and walked up to me, he put his arms around me and told me he was so proud of me and that he knew I could do it.
My father does not do that out of the blue very often. He loves me and he missed me.
I go and take care of them now, that's the difference.
I want you to think of what you do for your loved ones while in active use.
I would sponge money like there was no tomorrow. I never went by for anything else but to get something. I would not have a gift for any occasion but I would tell them my woes, who cares how they are. It was all about me.
I am the son of two wonderful parents and today I was given the respect of feeling like my parents were really genuinely glad to see me.
I am slowly becoming the man that I want to be. My strength is the love that I have behind me.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I HOPE THIS CAN HELP
To those of you that are new to this sight and have a loved one that is addicted to some kind of drug let me see if I can give you a better picture of what you might be up against.
For me crack cocaine totally engulfed my life, My whole day was nothing but trying to figure out how, when, and how soon I was going to be able to do my drug of choice.
I would just be so irritable when I didn't have anything and especially when I was broke.
I was a different person if I knew that I was going to be able to buy some crack, I was happy, you could talk to me and I would be a bundle of energy.
From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning to when I close them at night ( if I closed them at all if I was using ) Was all about drugs, nothing else mattered.
To be wanting drugs and to be on drugs is two totally different things. The mind works at trying to figure out how to get money, who I can borrow off of, If I can convince the dealer to front me until payday, it is constantly thinking about scoring drugs.
Now when we I used it would turn to total paranoia, any sound, shadow , phone call, knock on the door would just freak me out.
I hate doing drugs but the addiction makes you crave and forget how much you really hate being high. I only mentioned a tenth of what crap goes along with using.
We need to be in a safe place to get enough clean time to get a start, from there it is up to us to stay and use the tools the centers hopefully taught us to stay clean with.
If you were to ask me when I had 20 dollars in my pocket if I wanted to go to re hab I would have said no. I would have been on the phone to the little creep dealers to bring me some crack.
You have to know how powerful the drug is, it is not that we didn't want to quit it is getting that head start to have a chance to do it.
For me crack cocaine totally engulfed my life, My whole day was nothing but trying to figure out how, when, and how soon I was going to be able to do my drug of choice.
I would just be so irritable when I didn't have anything and especially when I was broke.
I was a different person if I knew that I was going to be able to buy some crack, I was happy, you could talk to me and I would be a bundle of energy.
From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning to when I close them at night ( if I closed them at all if I was using ) Was all about drugs, nothing else mattered.
To be wanting drugs and to be on drugs is two totally different things. The mind works at trying to figure out how to get money, who I can borrow off of, If I can convince the dealer to front me until payday, it is constantly thinking about scoring drugs.
Now when we I used it would turn to total paranoia, any sound, shadow , phone call, knock on the door would just freak me out.
I hate doing drugs but the addiction makes you crave and forget how much you really hate being high. I only mentioned a tenth of what crap goes along with using.
We need to be in a safe place to get enough clean time to get a start, from there it is up to us to stay and use the tools the centers hopefully taught us to stay clean with.
If you were to ask me when I had 20 dollars in my pocket if I wanted to go to re hab I would have said no. I would have been on the phone to the little creep dealers to bring me some crack.
You have to know how powerful the drug is, it is not that we didn't want to quit it is getting that head start to have a chance to do it.
A LITTLE LOVE AND TENDERNESS
I was at a meeting about 6 months ago and saw an old neighborhood friend that was trying to get off alcohol and crack. I talked to her for awhile and told her that I was in a treatment centre for crack addiction also, man was she surprised. I gave her a card that I grabbed from the centre and told her the positive side of going and how it helped me.
Well a few months passed and I never saw her at the meetings anymore. The treatment centre that I went to has alumni meetings and I had not gone to one in a long time and decided to go that day. I started to walk down the street to the centre and low and behold there she was, we talked and It turned out she just got out the week before. My god did she look happy, I hadn't seen her since then but I knew where she worked so I decided to look in on her and there she was with a smile so big and bright and she looked so proud to see me. She told me it was her birthday and then said not its not really her birthday but close meaning that she is celebrating months of clean time, saying it that way because she is at work.
She asked me what I was doing there and I replied that I came to see her.
When I was leaving her building there was a woman who was obvious to me that she was addicted to some kind of substance. I went and sat down beside her and asked her some straight forward questions and quickly told her I was a recovering crack addict. I asked her about her drug of choice and she said it was crystal meth. I asked her if she had ever been in a treatment centre and that it was really a good place to go and get clean. I guess what I am getting at is if we just try and show that we care, listen without judgement then I think we can have a chance to bring some of our fellow human beings back. I don't know if she will go to treatment but I like to believe that I planted a seed that just might grow, I hope so because there is a beautiful flower waiting to bloom it just needs a little love and tenderness until it can stand on its own.
Well a few months passed and I never saw her at the meetings anymore. The treatment centre that I went to has alumni meetings and I had not gone to one in a long time and decided to go that day. I started to walk down the street to the centre and low and behold there she was, we talked and It turned out she just got out the week before. My god did she look happy, I hadn't seen her since then but I knew where she worked so I decided to look in on her and there she was with a smile so big and bright and she looked so proud to see me. She told me it was her birthday and then said not its not really her birthday but close meaning that she is celebrating months of clean time, saying it that way because she is at work.
She asked me what I was doing there and I replied that I came to see her.
When I was leaving her building there was a woman who was obvious to me that she was addicted to some kind of substance. I went and sat down beside her and asked her some straight forward questions and quickly told her I was a recovering crack addict. I asked her about her drug of choice and she said it was crystal meth. I asked her if she had ever been in a treatment centre and that it was really a good place to go and get clean. I guess what I am getting at is if we just try and show that we care, listen without judgement then I think we can have a chance to bring some of our fellow human beings back. I don't know if she will go to treatment but I like to believe that I planted a seed that just might grow, I hope so because there is a beautiful flower waiting to bloom it just needs a little love and tenderness until it can stand on its own.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE
I am working on grounding myself right now. It is not always an easy existence in this world, things go wrong and it seems if I didn't have bad luck then I would have no luck at all.
I am quick to attack others in a verbal confrontation, my road rage is out of control and I respond back to my girlfriend like she doesn't have a clue what she's talking about.
Why I am like this at this time of the week I don't know. Sometimes things just seem harder and life isn't that easy or so I think.
I have options to what I'm going to do and how I'm going to handle these feelings and it's not going to be picking up either.
You see life is always going to deal you a bad hand now and then but its up to us, and I mean addicts to handle what comes our way in a safe manner.
I don't like today and maybe tomorrow will be the same but if I pick up then I can guarantee that it will be rotten.
We can deal with these feelings better if we just come to the realization that everyone and I mean everyone has bad days too.
We as addicts just chose to handle them in a way that was adding to the problems and that isn't going to work for us. Sit through the bad times, they will end and we'll see that they weren't that serious anyways.
Don't let a few bad days dictate what the next few months are going to be like. I am not going to numb myself. I am going to deal with these feelings and move on to a better life and so can you.
You and I can deal with the hardships of life without using we just have to play it through.
I am quick to attack others in a verbal confrontation, my road rage is out of control and I respond back to my girlfriend like she doesn't have a clue what she's talking about.
Why I am like this at this time of the week I don't know. Sometimes things just seem harder and life isn't that easy or so I think.
I have options to what I'm going to do and how I'm going to handle these feelings and it's not going to be picking up either.
You see life is always going to deal you a bad hand now and then but its up to us, and I mean addicts to handle what comes our way in a safe manner.
I don't like today and maybe tomorrow will be the same but if I pick up then I can guarantee that it will be rotten.
We can deal with these feelings better if we just come to the realization that everyone and I mean everyone has bad days too.
We as addicts just chose to handle them in a way that was adding to the problems and that isn't going to work for us. Sit through the bad times, they will end and we'll see that they weren't that serious anyways.
Don't let a few bad days dictate what the next few months are going to be like. I am not going to numb myself. I am going to deal with these feelings and move on to a better life and so can you.
You and I can deal with the hardships of life without using we just have to play it through.
Monday, May 21, 2007
NO BETTER TIME THAN TODAY
Good morning. I hope that last night and this morning was a clean restful time for you.
I was thinking what a great day it would be for you to start your journey to the life that you want to live. Life sure misses you and I'm sure all the people that love you and miss you will be there to cheer you on too.
I can't help but think of the time I was going to start my journey but I always got side tracked or romanced into the using again. The funny thing is whenever I was going to use I would think that something was going to be different, the outcome I guess is what I mean, It never was.
I can tell you my day of using in detail like I am watching a movie and it isn't a good movie either, more like self destruction. Think it through for yourself and your day of using, chaotic no doubt.
Everyone I know who is still actively using is in the same predicament or worse, they can't seem fight the cravings so they continue to use but I know they want to quit.
One day, today, why not try and see if you can do it, you have the power to pick up the phone anytime you want, well don't you?.
Make some phone calls to people who care or talk to people that would love to hear from you, let them know that you are alive and well.
Your a fighter and your fighting for your life. Just think of what we accomplished while using, nothing but chaos but a day of being clean is a lot more calm.
The cravings will hit you I have no doubt but hang in there and It will only last a short while, compare the two, clean vs using, Play it through.
Come on I know you can do it, just try, your rewards will be so good.
Wow what a journey you are about to go on, it starts off a little rough at first but the road gets easier along the way, I'll be waiting at a cross road for you and maybe we can walk awhile together.
Your life is so valuable to everyone that loves and misses you, this journey will bring you back to them.
I was thinking what a great day it would be for you to start your journey to the life that you want to live. Life sure misses you and I'm sure all the people that love you and miss you will be there to cheer you on too.
I can't help but think of the time I was going to start my journey but I always got side tracked or romanced into the using again. The funny thing is whenever I was going to use I would think that something was going to be different, the outcome I guess is what I mean, It never was.
I can tell you my day of using in detail like I am watching a movie and it isn't a good movie either, more like self destruction. Think it through for yourself and your day of using, chaotic no doubt.
Everyone I know who is still actively using is in the same predicament or worse, they can't seem fight the cravings so they continue to use but I know they want to quit.
One day, today, why not try and see if you can do it, you have the power to pick up the phone anytime you want, well don't you?.
Make some phone calls to people who care or talk to people that would love to hear from you, let them know that you are alive and well.
Your a fighter and your fighting for your life. Just think of what we accomplished while using, nothing but chaos but a day of being clean is a lot more calm.
The cravings will hit you I have no doubt but hang in there and It will only last a short while, compare the two, clean vs using, Play it through.
Come on I know you can do it, just try, your rewards will be so good.
Wow what a journey you are about to go on, it starts off a little rough at first but the road gets easier along the way, I'll be waiting at a cross road for you and maybe we can walk awhile together.
Your life is so valuable to everyone that loves and misses you, this journey will bring you back to them.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
TELL SOMEONE THOSE LIES THAT KEEP US USING
I think in order to really be able to quit I needed to tell my love one the little secrets that I used in order to keep using, the constant lies of money, where I had been for hours on end, bills or people I owed money too (that was all made up so I would have more to use on payday) or just the way I would start arguments in order to have more time alone.
I told my girlfriend all these things that I did to get high and what I did when I was high, I even told her if she ever wanted to tell if I was high was to ask me to fool around, you see I had no interest in sex while I was high, and sometimes she would use that and confront me on it right away.
I made it harder for me to use in our home and for that matter anywhere else. At the time I didn't really like it but it was something I obviously wanted to do or I wouldn't have.
I would go to my parents and borrow money for gas to get to work( ya right ) and go straight to the dealers on the way home with an empty tank of gas, I tell my parents these things now and they just shake their heads in disbelief and I bow mine in embarrassment.
I didn't want to use anymore and I hated those lies that I would get caught in when I started to forget what I lied about the last time.
It is the hardest thing to do to let someone know these dark secrets but if you really want to quit you should tell all. It isn't going to be easy, it really wasn't but you know that it is for the best.
We were brought up to tell the truth and it makes life so much easier.
Life is hard enough without complicating it with the lies that go along with drug addiction, tell the truth and be free to tell your story of recovery, I'll be waiting in anticipation.
Please give it a chance.
I told my girlfriend all these things that I did to get high and what I did when I was high, I even told her if she ever wanted to tell if I was high was to ask me to fool around, you see I had no interest in sex while I was high, and sometimes she would use that and confront me on it right away.
I made it harder for me to use in our home and for that matter anywhere else. At the time I didn't really like it but it was something I obviously wanted to do or I wouldn't have.
I would go to my parents and borrow money for gas to get to work( ya right ) and go straight to the dealers on the way home with an empty tank of gas, I tell my parents these things now and they just shake their heads in disbelief and I bow mine in embarrassment.
I didn't want to use anymore and I hated those lies that I would get caught in when I started to forget what I lied about the last time.
It is the hardest thing to do to let someone know these dark secrets but if you really want to quit you should tell all. It isn't going to be easy, it really wasn't but you know that it is for the best.
We were brought up to tell the truth and it makes life so much easier.
Life is hard enough without complicating it with the lies that go along with drug addiction, tell the truth and be free to tell your story of recovery, I'll be waiting in anticipation.
Please give it a chance.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR GUARD UP
I just realized this morning that it is 2 yrs today that I am clean.
I wanted to tell you this because it is so important that we know that we can never let our guard down, just this morning I was thinking how nice it would be to get some crack, I could actually taste it and was starting to get excited about it.
This thought pattern only lasted about a couple of minutes but don't you think it is unbelievable that I would be thinking this way, it sure is for me, two years , two months, two days , the possibility is always there but I have an arsenal of tools to fight with now.
I am not at this moment on the floor looking for something that I might have dropped. I am not staring at the shadows on the wall thinking someone is going past my window. I am not getting up to stare out the front window over and over and over again. I am at this moment doing something that I am beginning to love and soon I will be taking my dog to the park and I know this wouldn't be happening if I was getting high.
You have things you would rather be doing too, find them and take in every moment of a clean life, compare it in a safe manner to what you would be doing if you were to be getting high, don't you just love yourself being clean, isn't it great?.
Fight for that feeling, load up that arsenal of tools that you'll be needing to stay clean and do it, please just give yourself a chance and you'll see that you are worth it to yourself and everyone that loves you and that misses you.
We were not who we appeared to be on drugs now show your real self and shine.
I wanted to tell you this because it is so important that we know that we can never let our guard down, just this morning I was thinking how nice it would be to get some crack, I could actually taste it and was starting to get excited about it.
This thought pattern only lasted about a couple of minutes but don't you think it is unbelievable that I would be thinking this way, it sure is for me, two years , two months, two days , the possibility is always there but I have an arsenal of tools to fight with now.
I am not at this moment on the floor looking for something that I might have dropped. I am not staring at the shadows on the wall thinking someone is going past my window. I am not getting up to stare out the front window over and over and over again. I am at this moment doing something that I am beginning to love and soon I will be taking my dog to the park and I know this wouldn't be happening if I was getting high.
You have things you would rather be doing too, find them and take in every moment of a clean life, compare it in a safe manner to what you would be doing if you were to be getting high, don't you just love yourself being clean, isn't it great?.
Fight for that feeling, load up that arsenal of tools that you'll be needing to stay clean and do it, please just give yourself a chance and you'll see that you are worth it to yourself and everyone that loves you and that misses you.
We were not who we appeared to be on drugs now show your real self and shine.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
THANKYOU FOR STANDING BY ME
I've been asked so many times in the past 2 yrs how I've managed to stay clean, after a lot of thought I've come to the conclusion that I've gotten to where I am today by having people around me who love me.
When I was in a facility I was asked to invite people in for a day of counselling and to have them tell me how my using was affecting them, I invited my Father, Mother and Sister and I had asked my Nephew and Niece to write how my drug use was affecting them.
To this day I still think about the response I got from everyone, you see when your using life only circles around you and you don't really think of anyone else. I still remember my brother in law coming to visit me in the rehab center and I think he was so embarrassed and so was I.
My success to this day and only for today is an accumulation of the people that were in my life from the beginning and up to today, they are the ones that keep me strong and let me know that they care and are behind me all the way. Today their are more people in my life that I meet because I am living a clean life and they are the people that I interact with on a sometimes daily bases, from the people that I meet at the park with our dogs or more importantly the people at work who know my past to the people now that I share my life with like my teachers who don't judge me but are there as friend, new friends that I thank from the bottom of my heart for accepting me for what they see.
The answer to that question of how I stay clean is far more complicated than just a, well this is how I did it, It is all of you and a lot of me that keeps me going each day.
When I was in a facility I was asked to invite people in for a day of counselling and to have them tell me how my using was affecting them, I invited my Father, Mother and Sister and I had asked my Nephew and Niece to write how my drug use was affecting them.
To this day I still think about the response I got from everyone, you see when your using life only circles around you and you don't really think of anyone else. I still remember my brother in law coming to visit me in the rehab center and I think he was so embarrassed and so was I.
My success to this day and only for today is an accumulation of the people that were in my life from the beginning and up to today, they are the ones that keep me strong and let me know that they care and are behind me all the way. Today their are more people in my life that I meet because I am living a clean life and they are the people that I interact with on a sometimes daily bases, from the people that I meet at the park with our dogs or more importantly the people at work who know my past to the people now that I share my life with like my teachers who don't judge me but are there as friend, new friends that I thank from the bottom of my heart for accepting me for what they see.
The answer to that question of how I stay clean is far more complicated than just a, well this is how I did it, It is all of you and a lot of me that keeps me going each day.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
I couldn't see throught the smoke
No matter how bad my life got I just didn't see the damage the drugs were doing, it was so obvious to everyone around me, but I just couldn't see it, or maybe I just didn't want to.
I would continue to use after a big fight with my girlfriend even though the out come was going to be my living homeless, possibly jobless and definitely no money.
I was so engulfed with my addiction and how I was going to get my next high that everything else was meaningless, I have lost my children because I was too busy with my drug problem that I just didn't call them any more and I didn't care, at least at that time I didn't.
I suffer every day with the thoughts of them, wondering what their doing, how big they are now, or just what they look like. You see its been 7 yrs since I last seen them, is that unbelievable or what?. They just don't want anything to do with me, its like they have their own things to do and that they just don't care, sound familiar?.
Why did it have to take this long to realize that the outcome of my use was going take my children away from me, why couldn't I just see this, I do now if that counts for anything.
I want you to read this and know that there is a chance that you can change the outcome of the future if you want it bad enough, well do you?.
It is all of us who through this life of drugs are giving up things that are not only possession but are people we love and care about, that at one point in our lives we would give our life for without any hesitation.
Now go ahead and cry, feel sorry for yourself and don't forget that sad story about how bad life was for you growing up, OK now, did you get that out?.
Do you really think that you can quit this on your own? well do you?
I needed to get help, no matter how it was going to affect my life.
I had to go into my employer and tell them that I had drug problems, ask them for a leave of absence and then get them to understand, sound difficult, well if you read my whole blog then you would know that I went to rehab twice and I then had to face all my other co-workers again.
Please give in to whatever is keeping you from quitting, there are people out there who want and need you, young and old and they need your guidance and love.
I would continue to use after a big fight with my girlfriend even though the out come was going to be my living homeless, possibly jobless and definitely no money.
I was so engulfed with my addiction and how I was going to get my next high that everything else was meaningless, I have lost my children because I was too busy with my drug problem that I just didn't call them any more and I didn't care, at least at that time I didn't.
I suffer every day with the thoughts of them, wondering what their doing, how big they are now, or just what they look like. You see its been 7 yrs since I last seen them, is that unbelievable or what?. They just don't want anything to do with me, its like they have their own things to do and that they just don't care, sound familiar?.
Why did it have to take this long to realize that the outcome of my use was going take my children away from me, why couldn't I just see this, I do now if that counts for anything.
I want you to read this and know that there is a chance that you can change the outcome of the future if you want it bad enough, well do you?.
It is all of us who through this life of drugs are giving up things that are not only possession but are people we love and care about, that at one point in our lives we would give our life for without any hesitation.
Now go ahead and cry, feel sorry for yourself and don't forget that sad story about how bad life was for you growing up, OK now, did you get that out?.
Do you really think that you can quit this on your own? well do you?
I needed to get help, no matter how it was going to affect my life.
I had to go into my employer and tell them that I had drug problems, ask them for a leave of absence and then get them to understand, sound difficult, well if you read my whole blog then you would know that I went to rehab twice and I then had to face all my other co-workers again.
Please give in to whatever is keeping you from quitting, there are people out there who want and need you, young and old and they need your guidance and love.
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