A LIE TO COVER THE LAST LIE AND SO ON

I feel the need to write things down but I can't seem to find the words to say what it is I want to say.
I knew that I had a problem with drugs, do you? I knew I needed help, do you? I knew that I was sick and that I was hurting the people around me, and so do you!!!!
I talked to a person that I know really well who for some reason he thinks he can pull the wool over my eyes. He thinks that I will not say anything to him or call him on his bullsh--........Wrong........ I care about you so therefore I can't just pretend that what you say must be the truth because everything I see and hear tells me different. You're forgetting that I have used your lies, used the same excuses, and the outcome is the same as my life was and for almost every other addict.
Here are a few examples. You had a good job, but you quit. So did I, luckily I got it back again with some quick action once I came down off the crack.
You're not active sports anymore and don't associate with any of your friends that you couldn't be away from years ago, the healthy friends that is!
I got away from all my healthy friends too. MY best friends are active addicts.
Me first this time. I have lost my children and I can no longer get those years back again. They are older now and they don't look at me like I'm SuperMan anymore, if anything, LoserMan.
Now listen and listen good. YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOUR CHILD.
You can go on pretending that you are fooling the people around you, that your life is Ok. It isn't. I know you're sick. You know you're sick. Get help and change the road that you're going down.
You wouldn't bring your child down the road you're travelling would you? So get on the road that you feel would be safe for them too. It is the same road our parents brought us on.
Quiting isn't easy, but its a hell of a lot easier than trying to think of a lie to cover the last lie to cover the last lie, and so on.
Want to start now? Play it through, your day that is. Write it down, all the chaos, all the paranoia, all the sadness and thoughts of hopelessness. The only one that believes your lies is you because that is what you're use to. If you're reading this then hopefully its a start to a clean life.
Its not that far away it only seems distant. Reach out and get help, you deserve it. Life is good being clean.
Believe me as I want to believe in you....Again!!

DREAMS OF A LIFETIME

You know. I am really happy today that I can sit here and talk with you. It has been a road that I would have never thought that I would have travelled.
I use to dream of being an Olympic Boxer, I was a young boy in my basement dreaming of my fights and wins. I would mimmick Mohamid Ali's moves almost to the tee.
I wanted to be a cop as I grew older, dreaming of helping people and especially kids.
I was a dreamer, and thats all I was. I didn't come close to my dreams, actually I went the opposite direction. Disappointed? Yes. Would I change it? No.
I am this person today because of the life I lived. I love, I care, I still dream of what could have been but I love my life now and the people in it.
Drugs are so bad, they take you away from all the things that you dreamed of becoming. They drag you down a road of destruction and sadness. There is nothing at the end of that road but failure and most likely death.
I am 3 years clean today. Do I have dreams that I didn't have 3 yrs ago? Yes.
They might have changed a whole lot, but they are just as important.
I am clean today and that is why I can look forward to making any dreams I have come true.
I dream of helping you so you can make your dreams come true.
These words I speak come from my heart. I have tears in my eyes right now because I feel the pain that you feel, the feeling of hopelessness.
There is hope. You can beat the addiction that is ruining your life.
Quit the drugs and make your dreams come true, Won't you, so I can read your words of recovery.

FOR EVERY LURING THOUGHT I HAVE A COUNTER THOUGHT

I am days away from having a few years clean. I was talking to another guy today who stopped by where I was working, he asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint with him and I said no. We started to talk about the use of drugs and how they affect us. I was describing how I use to make a pipe out of a two liter coke bottle and smoke crack out of it. I was telling him how the bottle would fill up with smoke and I would get ready for a big toke. I could feel myself getting excited about the thought of that toke as I was mimicking the inhale and exhale. Even now after this long the thought of smoking crack still can romanticise me into thinking how great it was. How I would just love that toke.
If I was to have that fantastic toke ( ya right ) I would have had to have spent at least 20 dollars. Within 5 minutes I would be completely messed up. I would be paranoid, guilt ridden, depressed, and within 24 hours broke or dead. I know of a couple of people that after some time of quiting smoked just a little bit and had a heart attack and died.
You are not going to trick me. I am smarted than you give me credit for, but please feel free to keep reminding me how wonderful you are because for every nice thought that you try to lure me back with, I have 10 thoughts of horror to counter you with and to remind me that you are a life wrecker, a life taker, and you have no conscience. I beat you today, better luck tomorrow,
but I wouldn't bet on it!!!!!