MY WORDS, YOUR WORDS, THEY ALL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

Thankyou for your support and kind words. I am feeling a bit better today. When I woke up I thought about what I had said I was going to do.
You have no Idea what your comment meant to me. I sat here in disbelief that someone cared about how I was feeling, someone I didn't know was willing to say those kind words to help me snap out of the depression I was in. And yes I want to believe in myself.
I got up today and started to clean my place, I did the laundry, vaccumed, did the dishes and just kept busy. I got to go out and get a few other things done with regards to child support.
I want to tell you something that I think is important to the addictive part of me, I never once thought of getting crack and numbing myself, not once. I have money on me, enough to live from paycheck to paycheck but if I was to use....goodbye money..and my life.
I felt happy that someone read my blog. It was not quite an hour and you wrote to me...Thankyou, your words brought tears to my eyes. You are a good person too.
Ok enough about me and my sad life. How are you? Is this the day to get on the road to recovery? Just this moment I thought that I better get going to a meeting, these older members can really give you some helpful advise and the people that speak really have some good stories. I use to get bored at meeting. I really wasn't serious until the second time in I went to rehab where meetings are mandatory and I started to listen. There are members that are 35 years clean and sober. I think they might have some good advise, what do you think? One thing said that really hit home from a long term member was, He was no closer to relapsing than we were and that he had to remind himself everyday that his life is better living clean.
My life is better too. Thankyou for listening. I can't express the happiness I feel that someone really cares, cares enough to respond to my writing. Thankyou.

REAL LIFE AND ME

I am trying to get out of a depression that seems to take over me now and then. It is such a exhausting feeling that sometimes all I want to do is sleep. I don't get tired physically but mentally I just drain myself with all the worrying I do. I get really down on myself about the kind of work I do and that I don't have a trade, labouring isn't good enough for me now. I worry about money and how at my age I have nothing to show for it. I live from paycheck to paycheck and I hate it.
I can't quite put my finger on it but I am my worst enemy when it comes to putting myself down.
God I'm so tired right now, so tired of thinking and worrying. I took this week off of work only to sit at home and do nothing and all I want to do is sleep. What a great way of using my holidays.
I am going to start tomorrow and get up early. I am going to tell myself that I am a good person and I contribute to this world in some way. I am going to snap out of this and start to function properly again. I want to feel better again.
I can do it, wish me luck

ITS NOT A SCARY PLACE AT ALL

When I wasn't using drugs and living a somewhat normal life I worked in the shipyards. I had a friend that had to go to rehab. After hearing where he was going all I could Imagine was a place with all these people I use to see on the streets. I couldn't get past that portrail of what I thought a drug addict should look like.
When I first went to a re-hab centre and walked through those doors I was so scared of not knowing what I was in for.
I was met at the doors by a counsellor who introduced me to a woman who was to show me around the place. I thought she was another counsellor but later discovered she was a past client. We walked to the room I was to stay in and I had show her everything I had brought in with me to show I hadn't brought in any drugs. A little later she brought me to the cafeteria where most of the other clients ( addicts, alcholics, ) were mainly hanging out. I couldn't believe the people I was to meet in there.
Let me tell you something; If I was anywhere else but in a drug facility I wouldn't have guessed these people were drug addicts. I would think that I was in a class room with new people that I would like to get to know. These were people like you, people that you might have grown up with. They are people of all backgrounds, some with good careers.
I got to know these people so well and I loved them. I loved them for their strenghths and their weaknesses. I loved them for feeling safe enough to tell me their inner most secrets and to listen to mine. We came together as a family and to this day I am grateful to them for being part of my recovery. All the counsellors, the cooks, the janitors I want to thank from the bottom of my heart for listening to me when I needed someone to listen.
What I am trying to tell you is you need not worry. I have not talked to one person who had a bad thing to say about a drug rehab centre. It is not as scary as you may think. It is a sanctuary.
It is a place of peace where you can finally let your mind rest again without the chaos of drugs and addiction. It is a place of kindness and love that I want you to experience for yourself.
You know I wouldn't lie to you don't you. Just go and discover yourself and spead the word to others as I do. I try to do what I can by myself but as a group we have so much more wisdom, so much more love to share. Please won't you help yourself so you can help others. They need you.