Wow how long has it been since I've written anything, Hi everyone. I've missed you.
I am still going strong and still staying clean of that miserable substance crack cocaine. Sometime I forget just where I was in my life when I was on drugs, only to be reminded by others who are in a place in there lives where I was not so many years ago. I don't want to forget, it scares me. One of the most powerful tools that I use is, Playing it through, and how do I play it through if I can't remember what I need to.
We all need to remember what helped us get clean, what finally got us to surrender, to become a functional human being like we were meant to be from the time we were born.
I look at people now a days and see such good in everyone. I read the paper and hear how someone jumped in to help another person who was being attacked or who was in a situation that was life threatening and without a thought put themselves at risk to help. I watch movies that leave me in tears with acts of kindness that have me saying out loud, What a wonderful person, wishing that was me. My heart is so full of love that I don't know what to do with it most times.
I guess what I'm trying to say or want to say is, I think that is an addicts heart. You are so full of hurt that comes from love that we just can't understand why? Why did those things happen to me, why was I treated like that, why don't they love me, and that is why we numbed ourselves with drugs.
Don't ask why anymore, it wasn't your fault and you have the heart of an addict, a heart that is as big the universe. You have the capability to not only get off drugs but to help others. With that heart you can do anything you want.
I love you and I want you to succeed, we people with hearts of lions fight for what we believe in, we fight for others that can't take care of themselves. You are one of gods angels and he needs you now.
Won't you please try and help yourself so that you can help others that don't know what direction to go. You are so strong a person you just have to believe in yourself as I do in you.
I'm going to wake up tomorrow and try and do something nice for a stranger, I don't know what yet but I hope its something that is life changing for them I know it will be for me. I guess what I'm hoping most of all is that I hope that somebody is You.
JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN ....YOU....
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
PLAYING IT THROUGH, ITS A FIGHT YOU CAN'T LOSE
A life after drug addiction is a hard one to picture. The future was always a day by day struggle. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and what to do with all this time I had on my hands now that I'm not planning how and when I will get my next high.
I started this blog and thought at the time that it was just what I wanted to do, I wanted so bad for my words to help someone, and I hope they did and continue to.
Okay, now lets start from here. I am now four or five years clean. I am working steady but it took a lot of hard work to get to this. I seem to want to work everyday where as before I didn't. I am functioning as a normal person in society, wow can you imagine that.
Before I go further I would like to tell you something. I believe in you and I always will. I will never let you down or give up on you. You are so special and if you want what I have you have to work hard, you have that in you don't you?
I want you to start your battle against the cravings by playing your day though in your head. If you're going to use then think about what the rest of your day will be like. Think of all the chaos, the cravings when you run out of the drug you use. Think of the money that you have and how fast you're spending it on drugs when you need it for something else. Think of how the dealer is so great while you have money, you're a somebody but when you're finally broke he treats you like a loser. Think about the next morning when you had bills to pay or a special birthday or a Christmas presents to buy for a loved one, remember how you felt when you let them down? again and again and again!!!! PLAY IT THROUGH. I would go in my work vehicle and buy drugs, I would hide in place that I have to work in and smoke crack for hours on end. I was so messed up when I did them that I must have looked like an idiot. Hate the drugs, Hate what they do to you, Hate what they make you become, Hate how they take the person you are and make you someone that you no longer like. You have these choices to make, play it through and when you get a day, two or three day play them through and compare. Give it a try and play your day through. If you are happy when using then maybe it was for you all along... ya right... if not what do you have to lose?
Some say that drugs are the devil's work, I would bet my soul he's the drug dealer too!!!!
You are a special person , you have the right to be happy. I believe in you, won't you believe in yourself too.
I started this blog and thought at the time that it was just what I wanted to do, I wanted so bad for my words to help someone, and I hope they did and continue to.
Okay, now lets start from here. I am now four or five years clean. I am working steady but it took a lot of hard work to get to this. I seem to want to work everyday where as before I didn't. I am functioning as a normal person in society, wow can you imagine that.
Before I go further I would like to tell you something. I believe in you and I always will. I will never let you down or give up on you. You are so special and if you want what I have you have to work hard, you have that in you don't you?
I want you to start your battle against the cravings by playing your day though in your head. If you're going to use then think about what the rest of your day will be like. Think of all the chaos, the cravings when you run out of the drug you use. Think of the money that you have and how fast you're spending it on drugs when you need it for something else. Think of how the dealer is so great while you have money, you're a somebody but when you're finally broke he treats you like a loser. Think about the next morning when you had bills to pay or a special birthday or a Christmas presents to buy for a loved one, remember how you felt when you let them down? again and again and again!!!! PLAY IT THROUGH. I would go in my work vehicle and buy drugs, I would hide in place that I have to work in and smoke crack for hours on end. I was so messed up when I did them that I must have looked like an idiot. Hate the drugs, Hate what they do to you, Hate what they make you become, Hate how they take the person you are and make you someone that you no longer like. You have these choices to make, play it through and when you get a day, two or three day play them through and compare. Give it a try and play your day through. If you are happy when using then maybe it was for you all along... ya right... if not what do you have to lose?
Some say that drugs are the devil's work, I would bet my soul he's the drug dealer too!!!!
You are a special person , you have the right to be happy. I believe in you, won't you believe in yourself too.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
A LIFE YOU WANT
Oh my god , how long has it been? I miss you . You all are the reason that I keep coming back to this sight. I want all of you to know that I am still clean. I think of buying some crack often but never go through with it, why? because it is the same results every time. I want you all to get the same power, to be able to say NO.
I still haven't seen my kids in ....lets just say its been enough years to relapse on... no what I'm getting at? I am not going to give in. The next time I see my kids, and its been 15 yrs or at least close to that, I will be able to give them someone who is somewhat normal. I love you all and want you to make a life for yourself.
reach for the stars, dream for what you want in life because it isn't out of reach.
no matter what you want in life it come with hard work, work is the easy part its the commitment that is hard work, Its called clean living.,. something that you want...or am I wrong????
I still haven't seen my kids in ....lets just say its been enough years to relapse on... no what I'm getting at? I am not going to give in. The next time I see my kids, and its been 15 yrs or at least close to that, I will be able to give them someone who is somewhat normal. I love you all and want you to make a life for yourself.
reach for the stars, dream for what you want in life because it isn't out of reach.
no matter what you want in life it come with hard work, work is the easy part its the commitment that is hard work, Its called clean living.,. something that you want...or am I wrong????
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